Says Who?

Our lives are governed by laws and rules. From speed limits to laws against gay marriage, there are rules that determine what is good/moral/acceptable and what is wrong/immoral/unacceptable. But even more intricate and complex than these written laws are the unwritten ones: the social norms and codes that shape our behaviors and beliefs, which ultimately manifest in these laws and rule books.

Earlier on a walk today, my brother and I got to talking about social rules. Where they come from; why they stay in place; and why they are so hard to break. For example, when you are walking down a quiet street and someone else walking his dog passes by, it is polite to acknowledge him and say hello. To keep your head forward and pretend to ignore him would be rude and awkward. But if you are walking down an aisle in the supermarket or pass someone in the mall, it would be strange to say hello. What's the big deal? Why would saying hello to a perfect stranger in the mall be seen as weird or deviant? It's perfectly friendly.

Or if you are in an elevator and someone else gets on, you do not stand in the same place, but move over to create enough space between you and the other individual. You both stare at the ground, flip through your phone, or stare at the number of floors until you depart. It would be extremely uncomfortable and awkward if you were to stand close to the other person in an empty elevator, or God forbid, look at him and start a conversation.

But who says? What is so wrong with being close to strangers saying hello? I could go into a whole rant about how American capitalism and our "rugged individualism" has destroyed genuine social bonds in society. How people only form relationships and invest in them when it personally benefits them. BUT, I will spare you that sociological debate for another time...

I just find it so interesting to take a step back and reflect on all the tiny social rules we so adamantly follow on a daily basis. Unwritten social rules define normality and conformity; any stray from the norm is viewed as deviant. These social rules prevent us from acting on impulse: from not breaking out into song in the middle of the street, to not burping out loud in the line at Starbucks. They stop us from acting on our true desires and feelings. What would the world be like if we told everyone what we actually were thinking? (Has anyone seen The Invention of Lying? A very clever and witty movie, but I'm not sure society would really be able to function if everyone always told the truth).

The only place where most social rules are void is New York City. You never know what you will see here. Hearing someone singing in the street or burping in line is totally normal. This is another interesting thought: different social rules for different places?...

Laws help us determine innocence and justice; but social rules are what truly create order in our everyday lives.