Ch-Ch- Ch-Changes

August 1st.

The month of August has always brought mixed feelings for me. It's still summer, but the days are numbered until school starts. There's a sense of urgency as each day passes and the countdown begins. The sun already begins to set earlier, and the energetic heat of July evolves into a more relaxed, hazy air.

My younger brother has begun the race to finish his 4 summer reading books before the start of school. My sister has already started back-to-school shopping and collecting new things for her dorm. Today, one of my good friends left for med school, and another good friend left to move into her new apartment and start working in New York.

Things are changing. The weather, the length of days, the places people live, and the things they do. And yet I feel stuck in this vacuum of the unknown. It is very strange and discomforting to see everyone picking up, moving around, and starting new lives. People are preparing to go back to school, and I am preparing for...I have no idea.

I always look forward to the fall as a time for new beginnings, fresh starts, and exciting changes. But now that it's August, I feel that sense of urgency around me, but not within me. People are bracing themselves for a new school year, a new life, but I have no idea where I will be or what I will do in the coming months.

I am not the type of person who does well with the unknown. I like to have a plan. I like to know what I'm doing tomorrow and 2 months from now. But so much is out of my control right now. I am trying as hard as I can to find a job, but I cannot control this economy and the lack of opportunities out there. It drives me CRAZY when I send out 10 emails a day, and hear back from every single person that there are no job openings now.

But maybe my new beginning and my changes for fall won't be in the form of a new apartment or a new job. Maybe my new beginning will be more abstract: a different way of thinking. Coming to accept the unknown, giving up control over every aspect of my life, and being excited by not knowing where I will be tomorrow or 2 months from now. Who knows if I'll actually be able to change my outlook, but it's worth a shot!